Wednesday, September 5, 2012

The case of the roving gnome hand

I once received a ceramic gnome riding on a turtle as a gift.  I once had a roommate who named the gnome Aloysius P. Kelley and the turtle Fauntleroy (sp?).  And to be truthful, I cannot remember whether this is true, or whether the gnome's name was Fauntleroy (sp?) and the turtle Aloysius P. Kelley.  Let the roommate feel free to clarify this point. 

The main thing here is that I have had this gnome and turtle for  quite some time now - they have traveled with me through at least four moves and three different states.  They are currently residing at the back door to my garage next to my house plants (which are currently enjoying their warm season freedom out of the house).



APK and Fauntleroy (sp?; whichever one is which) have become a bit faded over the years, but they continue to enjoy the good life that any ceramic yard art so richly deserves.

One day a few weeks ago, I noticed that APK (let's go with the assumption that APK is indeed the gnome) had lost a hand.  I was sure that this had not happened in his most recent move, that he was totally intact when I placed him here to guard my back door.

I thought: well, some wily rodent (read: squirrel) has surely cracked his hand off and taken it away to add to its ceramic hand collection somewhere all creepy up in a tree.



I also thought: well, you know, ceramic has a shelf-life.  And it's been so bloody hot this summer.  Perhaps the hand just fell off on its own at the joint and bounced away out of sight.

To investigate this second hypothesis, I took a look on the ground around APK/Faunteleroy (sp?).  And sure enough, there was a piece of the fingers of APK's hand, there in the dirt in the garden about 18 inches from the statue.  The fingers, but no hand post-fingers-to-wrist.

Now the new mystery became where was the hand?  Did the wily rodents cache (or worse, consume) only the hand portion and discard the fingers?  Well, I could make my peace with the fingers making their way from the gnome to the garden 18 inches away.  But I could not for the life of me fathom how the hand and fingers came to be separate from one another and separate from the gnome.  This was almost worse than the whole hand and fingers being missing.  Now I had to come up with a hypothesis that accounted for not only the hand being separated from the gnome but the fingers being separated from the hand...

I decided to sleep on it.

Later that week, I was watering my plants and found this:


The hand!  In a potted, curly plant a few feet from the gnome and turtle and even farther from the previously-discovered missing fingers.

What in the name of Merlin's beard is going on here?  What are these wily rodents trying to pull?

Now I can believe that the hand and fingers could fall off of the statue unprovoked.  I can even believe that they could do so separately.  I can believe that they might bounce into the adjacent garden.  But I cannot believe that the hand would up and bounce over a meter away into a potted plant.  This was not a meteorological accident.  Some moving, breathing creature did this.

But it was not me.  And I refuse to believe that any prowler would take such strange action.

So you tell me, what are the wily rodents up to here?  Or should I be pursuing some other line of investigation entirely?

Sincerely,

Confused Caretaker of a Handless Gnome

p.s. I mulled over the idea that the Beagle had something to do with all of this.  And I cannot make it work in my head that Maximilian would bite off APK's hand and fingers and dispose of them separately.  He has never shown the statue even the least bit of animosity.  Plus he has been too busy chasing and consuming cicadas.

2 comments:

  1. That is amazing. I love it. If it happened here, I would have probably blamed Buster and his uncontrollable tail. He is always knocking stuff off with his tail. - Heather Harper-Laux

    ReplyDelete
  2. Lol. APK is indeed the Gnome and Fauntleroy is the turtle. I am deeply saddened by the news that APK has lost a hand and the hand has lost those fingers. Looks like a very clean cut to me, is a wily rodent able to produce that clean a cut? Food for thought....have you seen the movie Gnomeo and Juliet? -Jessalyn

    ReplyDelete