I am in the throes of writing my dissertation, and most days by the time I leave my desk, I can't even spell dissertation.
People have been asking me how the writing is going. And when I feel like giving a real answer (rather than just the stock answer of: oh, it's going fine), I respond with some information (maybe too much) about my intermittent sleeplessness.
I have intermittent sleeplessness because most of the time it takes me a while to get into the mode of writing productivity. So I like to reserve large chunks of time to allow that to happen (and hopefully to prosper). And once it happens, I have to roll with it. That's what I've found. And before you know it, coffee replaces lunch, walking the Beagle replaces returning phone calls, lunch replaces dinner, Law & Order SVU replaces bedtime reading, you know it's time to change your oil because you're out of windshield washer fluid, and counting sheep (and/or The Cosby Show) replaces sleep.
The root of the problem is that it takes me a while to get into the mode of writing productivity (as I already mentioned). That means that once I'm in the mode of writing productivity (or even anywhere remotely near it), I don't want to stop. Hence, you could find me at my desk, writing, analyzing and pulling out my graying hair at any hour of the day (or sometimes night). At some point, I eventually make myself stop. Physically. But my brain is not so easy to drag away from the keyboard as my fingers are. So most of me moves on to dinner and distraction and bed, but my brain often stays behind. It rearranges paragraphs, reformats figures, categorizes hypotheses and statistical analysis and makes a general nuisance of itself.
My brain also makes lists. It organizes my approach for the next day, reorganizes my approach for that day (partly to be done over the following day), and it finds/corrects/explains mistakes. These lists often get typed into the Memo area of my phone (because I turn off my computer at night to avoid the temptation of being able to just walk in and make little changes and notes at any point during the night). From the phone, the lists get transcribed to sticky notes on my desktop or actual pieces of paper.
I'll be the first to admit that these lists aren't as interesting as they once were. In my past life (as an actual biologist - not just someone who writes about biological studies), the lists would contain things like:
- Sew nets
- Sweep porch
- Clean Beagle
- Make cheese
- Groceries
- Oil change
- Mail bird blood*
- Replenish field work supplies
- Go to remote wilderness areas and capture birds in places no one ever goes
- Take lots of photographs
- Read fun books
- Go out with friends and try new beers
Now my lists look more like this:
- Look for job/post-doc
- Submit manuscript X
- Revise manuscript Y
- Analyze data for manuscript Z
- Oil change
- Dozens of mundane details about manuscript writing and editing and data analysis with which I don't need to bother readers (suffice it to say that there are dozens)
*For the record, mailing bird blood was a more recent entry on my list, but it seems much more like something I used to do than something I currently do. So I fibbed a bit.
Maybe you can detect the shift in pattern, maybe not. I can, but I'm not complaining. I don't so much mind that coffee sometimes replaces lunch, but I do mind the intermittent sleeplessness. I need to find a way to stop listing (and that includes both adding to and taking items away from the list because of their accomplishment) at a certain time each day so that my mind can shut off properly and I can sleep. For now, The Cosby Show is the only surefire way to get that done, and it is only invoked as a last resort.
The Beagle and I went for a 3.5-mile run early this morning, and I am still tired from that. So, here's to hoping that running can sufficiently wear me out so that I can sleep list-free (or at least regardless of the existence of lists).
Which reminds me, lunch needs to replace dinner, and the Beagle needs to go out... (check and check)
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